Perhaps his time seemed all too brief

I discovered this poem yesterday – author anonymous. I read the poem thinking of my son who passed from life as we know it last fall, and wanted to share this and my thoughts with you.

I Am Free
Don’t grieve for me now for I am free
I have followed the path that God laid for me
I took his hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, or play
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found that peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy
A friendship started, a laugh, a kiss
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life’s been full; I’ve savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief
Lift up your heart and share with me.
God wanted me now; He set me free.

--Anonymous

One of the more difficult days in the wake of losing my son, Nicholas, seven months ago was the day we returned from his sister’s graduation to see the woods filled with life and green leaves.

After a very long Michigan winter – our first, I felt more than ready for the return of life – the return of green. Nick passed away during the season of golden color in the woods. When we returned after laying him to rest at home in Tennessee, the leaves covered the woods’ floor leaving the trees bare.

Fall turned what settled into the longest winter of my life. March came and snow freshened the ground at least once a week. April manifested itself as bone chilling cold and wet. May arrived and cold temperatures clung in the air. The core of my being ached for warm sunshine – I felt it would soothe my sorrow.

We returned from a nine day trip to the Northeast for Elise’s graduation, and found our woods green. Our property morphed from glimpses of green to full-fledged summer. And I wept. August was the last time I saw Nick; underbrush and broad green leaves filled the woods. He cleared brush from the woods as movers unloaded the truck in our new home. After a couple days, Nick drove away from my Michigan driveway in his blue Chevy Tracker with promises to drive safely and that we would make later plans of when and where we would meet up again.

We had no idea that Heaven would be our next meeting place.

The green woods represented life. Life without my son. My logical side knows, as the poet writes, he is free. The illogical side of me accepts him as free, but waits for him to walk through my door and say in his deep tone, “Hi Mom” while scratching his dog, Clover’s ears, then opening the refrigerator door. Seeing the woods look like summer for the first time gave me a sharp jolt of reality that my precious boy is really not with us in life form.

As I read this poem, I remember that we have the sweet memories. We grieve our loss, but he has been set free to soar as high as his soul will take him. The author’s words remind me that God called him home and the life we know is just a drop in an immensely large bucket of water.

I have human constraints that my son does not have, so I will strive to lift my heart and watch for signs that he is free.