Resilient:
1. Springing back; rebounding; buoyant
2. Returning back to original form after being bent, compressed, or stretched
Synonyms: Elastic, flexible, springy
This morning on the Today Show, actor Michael Douglas, surviving the rigors of treatment of throat cancer, suggested the depth of love shown with cancer patients could be a physiological response. In the interview, Douglas described the greater sense of love his family shows for him and each other in the wake of his cancer diagnosis. Matt Lauer nodded in affirmation, as if Douglas suggested that puppies were cute. It was as though this was the most obvious of all phenomena, but the idea of tragedy evoking a physiological response of love gave me pause for thought.
Watching the reports of the shooting in Tucson last weekend, we see the good in people rallying to pray for the victims - political leaders and regular citizens, children and adults joining together in support. If tragedy does not provoke a true and real physical response in people, how can we watch a news report of events involving complete strangers, and weep for them?
I lived in Shanghai, China during the great earthquake hit the western part of the country in spring 2008. In a city of 20 million people, noise is inescapable. Cars honk just to heard, the ubiquitous sound of jack hammers rattle the brain, barges on the Huang Pu blow air horns, and human banter wafts as far up as our 39th floor apartment. A couple days after the earthquake, which was felt in Shanghai, as far from the epicenter as New York is to Phoenix, people still walked the streets stunned, almost immobile.
This particular day, the Chinese Government set aside a time of silence for the earthquake victims. This moment, I saw the depth of love shared in the aftermath of tragedy. The city fell silent. I left my apartment before the 2 p.m. hour to show my support and share in the sound of silence – the sound of love rising from sorrow as a phoenix from ashes.
Just before 2, taxi drivers stopped. They, along with their passengers, stepped out of the cars in the middle of the street with caps over hearts. Bicyclists stopped riding and held their bikes. Barges on the Huang Pu floated in silence. Pedestrian stopped in their tracks as if unable to move, and shop keepers came out onto the sidewalks, giving up valuable sales time. An eerie and unnatural quiet filled our ears and hearts for at least five minutes.
Never have I felt such deep emotion for people I do not know, whose language I do not speak, nor culture do I fully understand. But, pain moves us all, even if we have not experienced the exact suffering another person feels.
Two months ago, my family began a journey into the gut-wrenching despair of loss. Our son and brother, Nicholas, tragically and suddenly passed away. We had just moved from the town where we lived all of his life, and had no home base for our return. My friend, Martha, before we even arrived in town, moved out of her home and in with her daughter to give us her house for the duration. Warm food – life’s sustenance - arrived with people to serve it. Dear friends suspended their busy lives to take care of the grim details of moving his apartment, caring for his dog, holding our hands, and reminding us to brush our teeth.
Strangers – now friends – in our new town responded similarly. People looked at me with eyes welled in tears, and I felt the pain they felt for me. These were people who did not know me, nor had they ever met Nicholas – the physiological response of love in the wake of others’ hurt seemed to seep out the pores of family, friends, and strangers.
Michael Douglas, Academy Award winner, and now cancer survivor verbalized what we as humans know instinctively – our love for one another deepens when faced with trials and suffering.
One definition for resilience is the ability to return to original form after being bent, compressed, or stretched. I don’t know what normal is, or if I will ever see my old normal again, but I do know that with a community of love, we can unbend, decompress, and unstretch our ailing hearts.
Tomorrow, I will explore the concept of normalcy in a changed world and visa versa.
The Serenity Prayer comes to mind.
ReplyDeleteGod grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
It hung in my parents' home for years and I only began to understand and appreciate it when I was in my early 30's.
I love the Maya Angelou quote you used about attitude - it's the old half empty/half full thing. It's our choice how we react to or handle occurrences and circumstances in our lives.
When I divorced over 10 years ago I found that I possessed resilience and strength I didn't know I had, since I'd never been in a position to really need them. For over 2 years I lived by Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and the Nietzsche quote - "That which does not kill me will make me stronger"! I quoted both quite often, and at the end of a particularly difficult day I would say to myself, "I'm still standing, I made it!" I have to add that I had an incredible circle of friends that supported and loved me through that tough time. They were especially important during those times when I didn't feel so resilient!
Another thought: I don't know that I agree with the 2nd part of the definition of resilient (returning back to original form). I think we are forever changed by our trials. If we are resilient we are able to overcome and move ahead, but with new insights and strengths and a higher level of self-confidence.
ReplyDeleteLove your thoughts on resiliency. I do agree with Melanie though. I would think that after any trial, and I have not faced tragedy like others, one would not return to "normal". But because of resiliency one is able to bend and shape into a new and stronger individual.
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