Ears, tails, fins, and hope

Ever plow through the last chapters of a book, racing to the end, only do feel let down on the last page – not disappointed at the ending, but sad and empty over the fact that the story that came so to life stopped and you are left with blank paper and the dreaded back cover?

One thing you know is the author did his or her job, and kept the story alive until the bitter end, but I think we miss out on something when we rush to finish lines without enjoying the journey unfold.

I have a secret (well, not anymore). I have been working on a silly project and I have given it an inordinate amount of time. The project is a knitted Noah’s Ark – complete with seven stuffed animals, seven matching appliques, an ark applique, and blanket. For the uninitiated, an applique is something you sew on top of something else for decoration. Why would such a project be silly, or make me feel like I need to keep it underground? Well, there are no little children in my family, nor will there be for the foreseeable future. I am not trying to press the issue of grandchildren or great nieces and nephews, all will come in due time; I just found a book of really cool patterns, so to avoid feeling like a goofball, I went underground.

I bought the book for future use, which I thought was a little silly, as there are no buns in any ovens in my world – but I love pattern books. What is the harm, I thought? Three weeks ago I sat down just to read the patterns. Just read. What is the big deal in reading a book? Then, I innocently pulled out an errant ball of yarn that would make a good blue bird, and before I knew it, I was digging through a yarn bin for the perfect shade of beak orange.

Because I had already broken into orange scraps, I felt might as well knit up a gold fish… no big deal…then a giraffe…and the monkey looked so cute. OK, to make a long story short, I not only have six stuffed animal toys complete, six appliques done and the last one – a yellow lion, in the process.

And that brings me to the point of this crazy true confession story. Process. When I could be spending my time in much more productive pursuits, I felt guilty spending hours knitting toys to be put away in a box. Then, a few days ago, I had an epiphany – the story of Noah’s Ark is a story of hope. This season of my life is one of seeking hope and searching deep within myself for a sense of calm and peace.

Each one of these little animals has tiny little parts like ears, fins, and tails. The parts must be constructed with knitting needles, then stuffed and sewn together. The process is very tedious, as you would know, if you had ever stuffed filling in a half-inch turtle leg. As I knit the little ears and spots, sew on manes, and then embroider eyes and noses; I concentrate on an almost meditative level. Dogs nudge me and I cannot believe enough time has passed that they need to go out before bed. This process has overwhelmed me with calm and peace, which is what I must have to be able to grasp the hope in my life.

In teaching writing, I have always stressed that the process of creating a work far outweighs the product. When students attend to the complete writing process carefully, their final work shines much more brightly. It seems we live in a society that values the finish line over the race. Why choke down the food, only to be disappointed when Thanksgiving Dinner is over so soon?

My Noah’s Ark project has no recipient waiting. I cannot picture the little toddler whose hands may someday choke the giraffe’s neck, but at a time in my life when I need relaxing activities to anchor my calm, I will build an ark – as my life boat of hope. And, I will not rush to the end, but focus on the journey.