Poke fun at the door dings, not the kids

Self-deprecating humor --- it has made millions on the comedy circuit and eases awkward situations for myself and countless others. Our culture values humility and we consider making jokes at our own expense honorable.

Our offspring – bless their hearts – we consider an extension of ourselves, don’t we? So, doesn’t it really make cultural sense to poke fun at their expense? Because I am a new resident in this area, I meet new people often and have those howdy-do meet-and-greet conversations.

Recently, upon being introduced to someone new to me, she commented that with two twenty-something children, she moved and decided not to give them her new address. “Hoping they don’t catch up with us.”
Then, this supremely awkward question followed that quip, “do you have children?”

This empty nester humor is meant to be funny because we hope for our children’s success, but don’t want to seem brash by bragging. We want them to achieve self-sufficiency and we feel proud of their every accomplishment. So, for some reason, rather than express that thought, or even our pride in them despite their struggles, we make jokes that essentially devalue them.

I had a similar experience recently in another of those meet-and-greet moments where I asked the mother of young adults what her children were doing. She answered simply, “finding themselves.” I liked that answer. She stated so succinctly that her children were in a transitional stage without rendering judgment or casting shadows on them.

Probably the most valued possession in my wallet is my credit card. Yes, because of the cool stuff it brings me, but mostly because of the card itself. Capital One allows cardholders to order cards with a submitted picture as the front of the card. Two years ago, we ordered cards with a picture of the kids during a vacation day on the Great Wall of China. That day was one of our very favorite vacation days, and I love the picture.

My joke (humble justification) for the picture on the card has been “what better place to put the little money suckers, than on the front of my credit card?” Where once, I found this jest extremely funny, it no longer gives me belly laughs. Now, every time I pull my credit card from my wallet (not that often, Roger), I pause to look at my very favorite people in the entire universe and remember a special moment with them.

Who could have dreamed that the tall young man in the foreground of the picture would fade from the world as we know it just two short years later?

I puff with pride when I think of each of my two children, as does every person reading this blog when they think of their own kids. I tell Elise how proud I am of her often, though not often enough. Same when we had Nicholas with us. But, maybe it is because we think of them as extensions of ourselves that we get embarrassed and stop short of showing that pride to others.

Perhaps we should actively treasure what is precious and make jokes about superficial flaws and imperfections in our lives: frays in the carpeting, shopping cart dings in the car door, and weeds in the flower garden. Those are worthy of our wise cracks; the kids are precious.