We appreciated sunshine on Sunday. We travelled to a small town just north of here for brunch at a Victorian hotel; I planted flowers and truly enjoyed the simplicity of my first Mothers’ Day since the tragic loss of our son.
Anticipation conjures up the old image of ketchup slowly moving toward the neck of the bottle with music playing in the background. I think back to firsts anticipated with dread: moving to a new city, first days of new schools and jobs. Almost always the nervous expectation is worse than the actual event, and this, thankfully, was the case last Sunday.
After thinking it over for a couple days, I decided I have a few tricks up my sleeve for surviving anticipated events when lives are in states of transition, trauma, or turmoil. Since our son’s passing in the fall, we have passed through just about “first” on the long list of dreaded occasions. We saw light on the other side of all of our birthdays, including his, Thanksgiving, Christmas, his college graduation ceremony, Easter, and more. Some of these special occasions offered us comfort, but most were a test of endurance, and so far we have passed.
In watching the calendar, and seeing the Mothers’ Day displays in the stores and commercials on television, I mentally prepared myself for the day. First, I sat down and made a mental list of all the reasons I had to celebrate and enjoy Mothers’ Day. My daughter and son-in-law, Elise and Scott keep in touch with us every day and mean the world to us. Roger appreciates my role in mothering our two children, and tells me so quite often. I have stored images of past Mothers’ Days with memories of two little kids dropping a dripping hanging basket of flowers on my Egyptian cotton sheets. The cruddy late-hanging Michigan winter finally gave way to spring. Yes, in reflection, I have many blessings to count in anticipation of this Mothers’ Day. I also have my own mother whom I planned to call and wish a happy day.
Looking for bright spots in what could be a difficult and painful time eases the sting almost every time. I turned down offers for company and planned activities, as I wished to feel in control of the day. This proved to be a good decision in that I preferred to have the day to play out with quiet peace. We celebrated some of our “first” occasions with family and friends, but this one, I wanted to keep as my own, only talking on the phone to my daughter and mom.
Having a feeling of control in the activity of holidays is (I have discovered from my view in the trenches) very important. We opted not to go to church, as I knew my emotions would stir and I wanted an even keel for the day. So, Roger made brunch reservations for early in the day before the large families showed up from church. Flowers give me great joy, so we made a trip to the plant nursery on the way home. This may not be the perfect Mothers’ Day, but taking charge of the course of events is crucial in bringing beauty to what could be a sorrowful time.
Two very special surprises brightened the weekend and gave me hope for Sunday. Saturday, a delivery truck made its way up our narrow and winding driveway – no small feat, and delivered me floral love from Elise and Scott in Boston. Elise sent white daisies, knowing we both love them, and as I set them out on the front porch, Roger led me to another Mothers’ Day treat.
Last August, on Nick’s only visit to our house here in Michigan, he claimed the bedroom that would be his. We moved his things and furniture into the room knowing he would probably never live up here, but home is where Mom lives, so he tagged a room. Just outside his bedroom window in a freshly-cleared flower bed, a tall clover sprang up in the exact center of his window. I cannot think of two clearer signs to feel appreciated on the days when our children honor us.
When we can look for joy, rather than sorrow in special occasions, we find exactly what we seek.
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