Oh, you sly one

I am fairly new to this neighborhood, only living here eight months. There is a more established neighbor whom I would like to give attention in this blog. This established neighbor has deep auburn hair, wily ways, and seems to know her way around these parts better than she should – if you know what I mean.

Now, I realize newbie protocol dictates that I keep my place, but I do believe the notorious nature of this neighbor needs to be addressed, and truth be told, I would like her to take up residence elsewhere. Yes, I said it – I am the new neighbor, but I would be comfortable if she would take her little babies and roost deep in the woods where I feel she would be more comfortable and fit in better.

So, we can consider this an open letter to the neighbor who once lived assumedly rent-free under my deck and now resides under the deck of our next-door neighbor. I call this red fox, Scarlet McSly, and have some words I need to get off my chest.

Dear Ms. Scarlet McSly,

You have been spotted by me a couple times and others as well. Some consider it a brazen move on your part to sun yourself openly on a warm rock, but suit yourself, obviously this practice does not seem to bother you in the least.

I have nothing personal against you and your habits, I and know that you just need to make a living and feed the children, but some of us fear for the safety of our own little pups. A little white dog went missing last week and you were blamed. Folks in the neighborhood who have small dogs are nervous, and I am sure you are in great support of the no fence policy in place here. Later, when the dog was found, we know you did not take him, sorry for laying the blame on you, but it gave us a feeling of uneasiness in knowing you lurk about and could have gone grocery shopping in our yards.

Ms. Scarlet, my dogs, Bing and Clover mean the world to me and I believe they are too large of a task for you to take on, but I do not feel entirely safe. I have seen you and don’t wish to be rude, but noticed your girth is somewhat greater than those of your kind deep in the woods. I saw you attempt a squirrel heist and noticed incredible speed despite your girth.

I do not wish to get unnecessarily personal, but my next-door neighbor counted seven babies last spring. I am hoping that this spring does not bring a large litter and if you would like some family planning information, I will be happy to leave it by my mailbox, or on that large rock where you like to sun.

Recently, my across-the-street neighbor, Sally spotted you on her front porch with people in the house. Frankly, my dear Scarlet, you are entirely too tame for our populated setting. I respect all of God’s creatures and do not wish you harm, but I do feel it is time to look into a lovely den deep in the pine forests of Northern Michigan, and know the Humane Society has live traps to make this happen.

Scarlet, I am much newer to the neighborhood than you and feel awkward making a request for you to move, but really, don’t you think you and the kids would be much happier with buddies beyond just family?

Also, I hear of a place that serves a great squirrel bisque up near Traverse City.