Gratitude: A powerful healer

Sometimes, when I find myself diving into the pool, touching the bottom and somehow unable to surface for air, I have to stop and ask myself just how a person of resilience does it. What is the secret that resilient people know? How do those strong folks keep going with their attitudes straight?

These are the hard questions that I continue asking myself in this quest to define resilience. A powerful strategy in facing hardship and adversity is gratitude. Yep – the face of grace and a spirit of thankfulness can be as powerful a healer as any other I have encountered.

Since our tragedy, I began a new life of seeing every single organism and occurrence through a different set of lenses – my old ones broke. I have found that in my deepest lows, a positive heart pulls me through to surface where I can get air. One time this winter I was driving to Ohio and one of those familiar waves of grief seemed like it was going to wash me away. I looked out at the countryside and created stories in my head of what was happening in the farm houses within sight. I pictured a cranky old farmer in stinky bib overalls coming in from the fields and griping about his wife’s cooking – and a wife who deliberately tarnishes his food and serves it with a smile just to give the old codger cause for complaint.

Soon, I had kind of a smile on my face and was able to pull myself to where I could feel a bit thankful for the happiness in my life. At that particular moment, driving on Interstate 75, I had Clover the Wheaten sitting shotgun with her chin resting on the console and button eyes looking up at me. Bing the Schnoodle snored in the back, taking up the whole seat. Now, if having those sweet pups doesn’t fill me with gratitude, what can?

I read recently that a positive heart is one that is able to receive mercy and healing. I notice that when I hold grudges and feelings of anger, my whole being is closed, charred, and my grief increases. Earlier this week, I watched a news story of a judge being tried for a scheme to gain money for sending minors with misdemeanor convictions to prison. One young boy took his life after spending the stiff sentence of six months in jail for a marijuana possession charge. The boy’s mother very understandably tore into the judge accusing him of murdering her son. She confronted him with anger and grief that anyone can understand, and then she and her lawyer appeared later on NBC News harboring the same resentments.

Whether the judge is at fault or not at fault, the anger does not bring back that boy. The judge will be held accountable, but it broke my heart to see this mom’s pain – I know the pain of losing a son, and I know that blame only serves to rip the gripping muscles and tendons of grief. It is easier in her deep pain to shoot blame at the judge, but if the people who encourage and support her could redirect her to the positives in her life, it would lessen the pain, rather than the anger, however justified, that drives it.

I have found that hope can only enter when the heart is open to receive it. When adversity heightens, and spirits delve low, the simple act of visualizing something. If I look for just one thing that is really right in my life and fixate on that one thing and my gratefulness for it, that feel will bring me to a place where my heart can receive hope. I don’t want to sound patronizing or to minimize the pain of adversity, but there is always a light somewhere in anyone’s darkness that can bring hope.

In my despair during my drive last month, I redirected my painful thoughts, and then looked at my dogs who give me their complete devotion. Just knowing they were in the car with me and depending on me gave me that little flash of gratefulness that cooled the searing fire in my chest and opened my heart to receive hope.

Have we unfolded the secrets of resilience? No, we just peeled back a layer, but layer by layer, just as the phoenix rises from the ashes, strength emerges.