Live in the present rather than ruminate on the past

"Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only good for wallowing in." ~ Katherine Mansfield

We all know that regrets gain us nothing, but somehow, most people I know have at least some and just do not know what to do with them. I came across this quote in reading Face Book posts this morning and have been mulling it over all day. I looked up a background on the author, Katherine Mansfield just to see what she had been up to in her life to lead her to make such a bold and intuitive statement.

Turns out Ms. Mansfield, a modernist writer on the early 1900s did plenty of things that we enlightened folks of the 21st century could find regrettable. She left her home in New Zealand alone in the late Victorian Era against her parents’ wishes and settled into the pre-bohemian life of a writer in Great Britain, hung out with brilliant minds and unsavory characters, and wrote some spooky, yet very good stuff. Her mother came to visit in England at one time and so disapproved of her daughter’s lifestyle that she travelled back to New Zealand to write her out of the will. Ms. Mansfield contracted tuberculosis, could not return to her homeland and died from the disease at age 34.

I read her short story, The Kidnapping of Pearl Button, where her character is kidnapped by gypsies who introduce her to a fascinating place, and give her a first-time glimpse of the sea – the little girl is rescued in the end, so – no wallowing in regrets.

I think it would be accurate to state that most people reading this harbor some remorse for acts done or business undone. In our culture, it would be considered regrettable to say there is nothing in our lives we wish we could undo, but is the act of regret an appalling waste of energy? I tread lightly on the regret path in my life as this is a tender time for me. Yet, as I ponder this issue, I can tell you with absolute certainty that there may be some do-overs in life, and are so thankful for this form of grace, but we just cannot change the past. The past is over and reliving it in our minds only serves to make our heads hurt.

To look back and wish we spent more time with family could be viewed as regret, but can also be considered healthy if looking back affects the present in a positive way. Maybe the children are not still small, but we still have family and significant people in our lives with whom we can spend time and give our attention. This action improves not only our daily walk, but our future relationships as well.

We can affect the future best, I believe by living in the present and enjoying it for exactly what it is – the present. We cannot control the past in any way, and only the future by maximizing our present lives.

I think back to when I was in school --- I wanted to graduate and get going with my life. I wanted to marry Roger as soon as I graduated. Then, I looked forward to buying a house, having children, well you know the list. It seems like we are programmed to look ahead to find happiness. At my age now everyone seems to talk about retirement ages and plans, as if happiness can begin when work ends.

The time is now to follow our dreams, build fullness in our lives and in doing so, we will plan for the future. This does not mean that we drain our bank accounts throwing a great big party, it simply means that we need to live in today and soak in happiness from the present rather that looking for it in the future, or needlessly regretting past actions.

Living in the present is a concept that is difficult for me, as I think I was born with my brow furrowed in worry. But, life is happening now, the future does not yet exist, and the past is where it is and out of our control. I agree with Mansfield that we cannot build a life on regrets, and marinating in them only sours the moments we can enjoy.